SPADE: Barb Kaufman came into the store today and just would not stop babbling about that brat daughter of hers, Lacey. She's at Penn, you know.

KLEIN: Second semester, I'm aware. The girl really isn't that bad.

SPADE: Of course she is, she's as spoiled as the rest of them. Apparently, she's rushing some sorority and Barb swears she'll just DIE if she doesn't become a Sigma Lambda Upsilon like she was when she was at Penn.

KLEIN: The SLUs….yes, I've heard of them.

SPADE: I bet the girl would do anything to get a bid from them.

KLEIN: I doubt it, I'm sure it's not that important to her.

SPADE: I bet it is. I bet she'd give up just about anything to get in to that sorority…..perhaps even her favorite CK jeans….

KLEIN: God no! She wouldn't! She couldn't! Those were hand-made by slave children in the Philippines. They're low-rise! They're boot-leg! She could never give them up!

SPADE: Are you willing to put a little wager on it?

KLEIN: As God as my witness, damn straight I am.

SPADE: Ok then, if Lacey is willing to give up her CK jeans, I get to keep them and make them into a tote bag for my new line -

KLEIN: (interjecting) Good Lord woman, you have to be kidding! Who are you, the devil?!

SPADE: And if by some chance she actually chooses the jeans over the SLUs, I guess….I'll give you….one of my bags from my fall collection to….I don't know….cut up and use as patches or something on one of your God-awful haute couture creations.

KLEIN: Only if it's one of the leopard print evening bas with the zebra accents and suede fringe.

SPADE: Damn you!

KLEIN: Is it a bet, my dear?

SPADE: It's a bet.

LACEY: Hi Janey!!

JANE: Hi Lacey. How was rush?

LACEY: It was fabulous! Lexi, Ashley, Suzie, Katie, and I are in the same rush group, and we all just had so much fun. We all want to join the same sorority together - it'll be great, just like high school at Spence all over again! Oh, and on the way home, we ran into Scottie, Joshie, and Bobby and they told us to come to Billy's tonight for mimosas and pâté!

JANE: (disinterested) Uh huh.

LACEY: Janey, you totally should have rushed. Wow, I really need to start picking out my outfit for tomorrow. Round Two is business casual. What do you think (goes over and picks up two pairs of pants from her bed) these black pants, or these black pants? Hmmm, I think I'll wear these black pants with my pink cashmere sweater set, my Manolo Blahniks, my black pea coat, and my Burberry pashmena. That says business casual, right?

JANE: Uh huh, sure. So, which sorority did you like best, Lacey?

LACEY: Definitely the SLUs. They were so cool, and, like, so down to earth. My mom was a SLU too when she was here. Ugh, I would do anything to be a SLU. (as she's says this, she opens the door of her closet to get the rest of her outfit for Round Two)

SPADE: (appearing from out of the closet holding a Cosmopolitan) Did you say anything?

SPADE: Well, in that case, dear, I think I might be able to help you.

LACEY: Who are you?

SPADE: The name is Spade. How do you do?

JANE: (turns from her book) Wait, isn't your name supposed to be Scratch?

SPADE: It's Spade, as in Kate Spade. Scratch went out with the eighties dear. So did that hair style of yours for that matter….

LACEY: (excited) Oh my God, you're Kate Spade?! I absolutely LOVE your stuff!!

SPADE: Doesn't everybody? Anyway, as I was saying, I think I might be able to help you with your little sorority problem.

LACEY: Really?! How??

SPADE: I will make a deal with you -

JANE: (interjects) Don't you mean a pact?

SPADE: Right, a pact. I will guarantee you a bid from Sigma Lambda Upsilon in exchange for just one simple thing.

LACEY: What? Anything?

SPADE: At the end of four years, upon your graduation, you hand over to me your stone-washed Calvin Kleins.

LACEY: (she gasps) Oh no, no way! Anything but that.

SPADE: Oh, but don't you want to be a SLU, dear?

LACEY: Yes, but….but….can't I just sell you my soul or something?

SPADE: I don't want your soul darling, I want your denim.

LACEY: But -

SPADE: The jeans, Lacey, only the jeans.

LACEY: I guess if that's the only way….fine. I'll do it.

SPADE: Wonderful. Now, there's just the small matter of a contract.

LACEY: A contract?

SPADE: Yes, a contract. (she takes one out of her purse) Oh, and it has to be signed in blood.

LACEY: Blood?! Ewww, that is sooo gross!

SPADE: Hmmm, yes, I thought so too.

LACEY: How about lipstick?

SPADE: What shade?

LACEY: Sinfully Scarlet.

SPADE: Perfect.

BARB KAUFMAN: So, Lindsey dear, what year are you in school?

LINDSEY: I'm a junior in high school at Georgetown Day back home in Bethesda.

LACEY: Oh my God, you go to Georgetown Day School?!

LINDSEY: Yeah, why?

LACEY: Do you know Jenny Hirschenbaum?

LINDSEY: Of course! She's, like, my best friend!

LACEY: No way, that is soooo crazy! Her older sister, Lizzie, had a friend, Carrie, whose cousin Mandy used to go to sleep away camp with me at Timber Lake West!

LINDSEY: Wow, what a small world!

BARB: So, do you know yet where you want to go to college, Lindsey?

LINDSEY: Well, I'm thinking about either Cornell or Emory.

BARB: Oh, what wonderful choices! First David at Wharton, and now Lindsey at one of those fabulous schools, intelligence must be in the genes!

LACEY: (she gasps) Jeans!

BARB: Lacey, what is it dear?

DAVID: Lace, are you ok?

LACEY: (stands up from the table) Ummm, I have to go….

BARB: But honey, you haven't even finished your endive salad with imported gouda and poached pears!

LACEY: It….it doesn't matter - I have to go home - now! Davey, call me a cab!

DAVEY: But, Lace, c'mon, it's five blocks away.

LACEY: Come to think of it, you're right….I should definitely get a car service.

LACEY: (as she comes across a pair of jeans lying under her bed) Found them!

SPADE: Trying to hide something, Lacy dear?

LACEY: (turning around) Spade!

SPADE: Darling, please, Spade is sooo four years ago. Call me Mephistopheles. German retro is very in right now.

LACEY: Fine then, Mephistopheles, what are you doing here?

SPADE: Oh Lacey please! You know exactly why I'm here - it's time for those jeans your holding to belong to me.

LACEY: Never! You can't have them!

SPADE: But didn't you enjoy being a SLU for four years?

LACEY: Yes, but -

SPADE: (interrupting) Then the jeans are mine! Hand them over.

LACEY: No!

SPADE: (composing herself) Well then, now all that's left is the small matter of your punishment.

LACEY: Punishment?! For what??

SPADE: For trying to break our pact and hide the jeans.

LACEY: That wasn't a part of our deal! What are you talking about? You never said anything about punishment!

SPADE: (taking the contract out of her purse) Of course it was, dear. It says so right here in our contract.

LACEY: (grabbing the contract) Let me see that! (pauses to read) This is ridiculous, you can't do this to me! I want my lawyer, I'm calling my father! (reaches into her pocket for her cell phone)

SPADE: Darling, there's really no use, what's done is done. You have already been damned for all eternity.

LACEY: You mean I'm going to Hell?

SPADE: Oh no, don't be silly dear. Hell reached its maximum capacity years ago. Your fate is much worse than that.

LACEY: What can be worse than Hell??

SPADE: Well…. (she leads Lacey over to the mirror)

LACEY: (discovering her appearance has drastically changed, she cries out in horror) My nose job….it's….it's….gone! My old nose is back!

SPADE: Back forever! (laughing maniacally, she downs her Cosmopolitan)

LACEY: Oy, Mephistopheles…. (she faints)