The
Richter’s Pact
In a low domed, dark office deep in Williams Hall, Professor Richter, uneasy in his leather chair at his mahogany desk.
Professor Richter (talking sadly to himself): Oh how I wish that Penn students would be interested in the German department for one year of my life. (Full of emotion): Why me? Why is it that I have been able to write such wonderfully acclaimed works such as Laocoon's Body and the Aesthetics of Pain, but I can’t get students interested in taking my German classes? What is the matter with me? (He looks up and then all of a sudden, in a bout of anger, clenches his fist tightly) It’s that damn Spanish language! They’ve stolen everyone!
I’m not like the Spanish teachers! That is a painful thought.
I am like a worm in the soil that has been caught!
I knew it was only a matter of time before that language would take over our Country, even in such a great campus such as Penn. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. (Begins to sob, his head falls into his hands). If only there was someone to help me.
Professor Richter, hands shaking, grasps the mouse of his computer. He goes to Penn’s Spanish Department Home Website, and finds the number of the department chair.
Professor Richter: (on the phone): Yes, this is Professor Simon Richter, Department Chair of German
studies here in the
A soft but sharp voice is heard coming from the corner: Simon, get a hold of yourself!
What the hell has happened to you?
Professor Richter: Who the hell are you? Reveal yourself in the name
of the devil!
Voice: So it is the devil you want, is this true?
Professor Richter: Who are you? Are you an old angry student that took
the class I taught a while ago on Introduction to German Literature? Expose
yourself now!
Voice: Come close to the mirror Simon.
Professor Richter slowly makes his way over to his silver plated mirror in the corner of his room. He peers into it.
Professor Richter (clearly frightened): This can’t be! You are I. How is my reflection talking to me? (Professor Richter turns around and looks towards the rest of his office). In the name of the devil, I demand you stop this prank, whoever you may be!
Voice: It is I, Simon Richter, and this is no prank. I am you. You may cease your calls in the name of the devil, for I have responded.
Professor Richter: I have read about people like you, so called doppelgangers, although I never knew that they existed.
Voice: I am your evil doppelganger, and I am also the devil himself. Look no further for the answers, for here I am.
Professor Richter: What do you want from me? Leave me be!
Voice: It is not what I want from you, but rather what you would like from me, I do believe. And the devil cannot leave this place, can you conceive?
Professor Richter: If that is the case, oh brother, then you must help me out.
For alas, two desires are dwelling in my mind.
The one to teach German, the other to leave it behind.
It is popularity that I have desired.
I want to be loved by the students here in Penn; I want to be admired.
I want to have a 4.0 rating in that book that rates the professors and their courses.
But sadly, students have no interest in the German language and its discourses.
I have even tried my luck learning the Dutch tongue,
But that has been as useless to me as rancid horse dung.
I have even thought about going to the dark side, learning to speak Spanish,
But that, no doubt, would be completely outlandish.
Voice: I know exactly what you desire,
But what do I get in return for fueling your fire?
Professor Richter: Is it a pact you speak of?
Voice: Tomorrow night at exactly
It is a lonely, cold, and especially dark night. Professor Richter hurriedly walks to the Compass; the modern version of a Crossroads in Penn’s Campus. He repeatedly checks his watch in apprehension. There is a strong gust of wind and suddenly Professor Richter’s Doppelganger appears, clad in a long black trench coat.
Doppelganger:
Professor Richter, I have made up my mind.
I will gain you popularity; students galore you shall find.
But for this service I demand one thing of you in return,
This is no minor detail; it is something the students will spurn.
That is to teach a class with the fervency of one possessed,
To teach a class on the devil with no regress.
You must introduce concepts in your class that no student shall grasp,
Ideas such as self-reflexivity and Medford Rum that no one shall clasp.
You shall not allow the course to be easy,
You must teach students until you make them feel queasy.
Professor Richter: It will truly be a course from hell.
Doppelganger:
Yes, now go, and prepare your course.
I will recruit the students to fill your classroom with my own devilish force.
Oh yes, one more thing.
I will find you the students, but it is up to you to keep them from dropping the course,
Do whatever you must do, and feel no remorse.
It is the first day of class for The Devils Pact in Literature and Film. As promised by Professor Richter’s Doppelganger, the class is filled to the brim. Students have come from far and wide to take the highly talked about course on the devil. Even a few premeds, Wharton students, and engineers have joined. The ambience in the room is almost one of incredulity; the students are in disbelief that a class focusing on the devil is actually being offered, and that it fulfills the dreaded Sector Three requirement of Arts and Letters.
Elisha: Hey, Jeff, can you believe this? We are in a class
about the devil. This is going to be
awesome. This will sure be a relief from the Physics and Bio that we are in
this semester. I need a class where I can relax my mind, and not have to do too
much thinking. This will be a breeze. A faint devilish laughter is
heard. Whoa Jeff, did you hear that? I think I
just heard a devil laughing at me.
Enter Professor Richter.
Professor Richter: Hello Class and welcome to The Devils Pact. To get you all interested in this class, and to show you guys how cool I am, I am going to show you a Simpsons episode. The Class cheers. Professor Richter slyly chuckles to himself, knowing that luring students into his class will be easier than taking candy from a baby.
Professor Richter: Our class will mainly focus on watching cartoons and
movies. The rest is not really that important. So let me just show you guys this episode of The Simpsons
and then I’ll let you out of class early.
The class cheers once again. Professor Richter marvels at the ease with which he has impressed his class.
Go to Black
SCENE FOUR
January and half of February came and went with a blissful peace in The Devil’s Pact. Penn’s course drop date passed by, and every single student decided to remain in the class. Professor Richter was overjoyed, never before had he reached such a high level of popularity. The class, until this point, had been” a walk in the park” as some students referred to it. It was an absolutely amazing class. But it was now time for hell to be paid, as Professor Richter would soon be reminded.
This scene takes place, once again, in Professor Richter’s office in Williams Hall. It is a blustery, snowy night.
Doppelganger:
Simon! The time has come
to you fill your half of the deal
It is time for you to make
your students terribly appeal
To a class that will turn
sour in the blink of an eye
That will make some wish
that they want to cry.
Time has come for you to
introduce concepts that have no validity,
For you to teach a class
that has no profundity.
Professor Richter:
So it will be you evil
beast,
I will teach a vicious
class at the least.
But here me now, this is
against my will
To grab from the students
what has already been instilled.
They have grown to love
every word that I say
And equally adore the
movies that I play.
I detest having to act in
such unfair way
But this is the path I
have chosen, to lead my class into disarray.
Go to black
SCENE FIVE
This scene takes place in class one bright Wednesday afternoon in March.
Professor Richter: Okay class, today we are going to discuss self-reflexivity and the eternal feminine. To make things a bit harder, we are also going to have to read all of Goethe’s Faust by Friday, where you will be asked to email your T.A. answers to questions that cover the end of the play. Professor Richter pauses to gather himself before dropping the ultimate bombshell on his class.
As all of you probably
know, I love self-reflexivity. There is no clear definition to this terminology
as you will shortly see, but you will nevertheless be responsible to understand
this concept. In addition, you will be required on the midterm and final to
remember every example that I have and will give of a self-reflexive moment in
any of the readings or movies that we have covered. To give you guys a little
clue on what exactly self-reflexive means, just imagine either a mirror, a
play, a song, a person or for that matter, any animate or inanimate object in
any movie, book, play, or song that we have covered and you will be able to
construe a moment of self reflexivity.
Elisha (whispering in disbelief to Jeff): Hey Jeff, do you have any idea what the hell is
going on now? I can’t understand a word he’s saying? Is what I am speaking to
you right now an example of self-reflexivity?
Jeff: Hmm, you know I actually am a bit lost myself. Hopefully
Professor will go on to another, more comprehensible topic.
Professor Richter: For example, in one of the Faustian movies that we
will soon watch, there are lights that appear in people’s rooms, outdoors, and
pretty much every place that you can imagine. Now you might say to me, “Oh, but
Professor, the reason why they have lights in the movie is so that the movie
does not take place in the pitch black?” .I will respond to you by explaining
that the fact that the movie is projected onto the screen with lights
demonstrates a moment of self-reflexivity whenever a light is seen in the
movie.
The class stirs with uneasiness. They have no idea what to
make of this.
Professor Richter: So there you have it, a clear example of
self-reflexivity. I would also like to take a little time to discuss the
concept of the eternal feminine. At first glance, I will tell you that this
theory makes absolutely no sense. But if you give it enough time, you might be
able to decipher the deep meaning of what I am trying to convey. The eternal
feminine can be explained with the temporal versus the eternal, the here and
now and the forever more, the contingent with the absolute. This notion can
also be coupled with the interdigitation of and interpenetration of the masculine
with the feminine. This is not a force of destruction or opposition; it is
merely an example of self-reflexivity among the highest forces metaphoric,
subjunctive assertions.
Elisha: I have no idea what he is talking about anymore.
Jeff: I am so lost.
Elisha: This class has definitely turned into my most
difficult one this semester. I don’t know what I am going to do, I can’t drop
this course anymore, and I sure as hell have to do well in my premed classes!
Professor Richer: Okay, there we have it. And I finished with just
enough time to remind you guys that there will be a screening every Wednesday
until the end of the year of a different, terrible movie. It will be all the
way in
Go to black
SCENE SIX
Professor Richter cannot sleep one night. He is deeply disturbed that his class has turned difficult and that his popularity seems to be fading. He makes his way back to Penn’s campus and walks briskly to the compass. He screams aloud in anguish for many minutes, in attempt to summon his evil side.
Professor Richter:
Come forth you evil,
despicable creature
Show your face to Penn’s supreme teacher.
Doppelganger:
Simon, what it is that you
request
You have everything that
you want, why are you such a pest?
Professor Richter:
Nay, this is not true,
How my words you like to
misconstrue.
For although I may have
students abound
My popularity is nothing
but sound
Where will my 4.0
professor rating be in the course evaluation?
How will I continue to
teach with such mortification?
No, I say, I am cutting
off the bargain
I have had enough of you
and your devilish jargon.
I will go back to playing
opera and the blues
I will show MTV videos
that continue to amuse.
Never again will I try to
confuse
Never shall I leave my
students bemused.
I will win over my
students with a love for the learning
They will have a genuine
desire and yearning
To study and participate
in the pursuit of the devil
In my genuine lecturing
abilities they will revel.
And you will not stop me
either; I now declare that I retract
From
this forsaken so-called devils pact.
Leave me alone; never
return
Alas, if you shall ever
come back in hell shall you burn.
The powerful speech that Professor Richter delivered with all his heart and soul was too much for the devil. The purity with which Professor Richter spoke was foreign to the devil. The devil was left powerless and had no choice but to capitulate to the powers of the real Simon Richter.
Professor Simon Richter continues to teach a class on the
devil’s pact until this very day. The class’s popularity is known throughout
Penn’s campus. In addition, Professor Richter’s teaching style and abilities
have been given top ratings in the student course review year after year. The
Devils Pact is especially well known for the final project that students must
complete at the end of year, an assignment that is known to be extremely fun,
interesting, and “rule-free”, allowing students to disparage any person that
they so choose. Although Professor Richter continues to teach concepts such as
self -reflexivity and eternal feminine, the reality is that the concepts,
though difficult to grasp, are not half as bad as “vertical springs” and
“buoyancy” taught in the typical premed Physics class.
.