Chapter 14

DURING dinner, Mr. Bennet scarcely spoke at all; but when
the servants were withdrawn, he thought it time to have some
conversation with his guest, and therefore started a subject in
which he expected him to shine, by observing that he seemed
very fortunate in his patroness.  Lady Catherine de Bourgh's
attention to his wishes, and consideration for his comfort,
appeared very remarkable.  Mr. Bennet could not have chosen
better.  Mr. Collins was eloquent in her praise.  The subject
elevated him to more than usual solemnity of manner, and
with a most important aspect he protested that he had never
in his life witnessed such behaviour in a person of rank -- such
affability and condescension, as he had himself experienced
from Lady Catherine.  She had been graciously pleased to
approve of both the discourses, which he had already had the
honour of preaching before her.  She had also asked him twice
to dine at Rosings, and had sent for him only the Saturday
before, to make up her pool of quadrille in the evening.  Lady
Catherine was reckoned proud by many people he knew, but
he had never seen any thing but affability in her.  She had
always spoken to him as she would to any other gentleman;
she made not the smallest objection to his joining in the
society of the neighbourhood, nor to his leaving his parish
occasionally for a week or two, to visit his relations.  She had
even condescended to advise him to marry as soon as he could,
provided he chose with discretion; and had once payed him a
visit in his humble parsonage; where she had perfectly
vouchsafed to suggest some herself, -- some shelves in the
closets up stairs."
"That is all very proper and civil I am sure ' said Mrs
Bennet, "and I dare say she is a very agreeable woman.  It is
a pity that great ladies in general are not more like her.  Does
she live near you, sir?"
"The garden in which stands my humble abode, is separated
only by a lane from Rosings Park, her ladyship's residence."
"I think you said she was a widow, sir?  has she any family?"
"She has one only daughter, the heiress of Rosings, and of
very extensive property."
"Ah!" cried Mrs. Bennet, shaking her head, "then she is
better off than many girls.  And what sort of young lady is she?
is she handsome?"
"She is a most charming young lady indeed.  Lady Catherine
herself says that in point of true beauty, Miss De Bourgh is
far superior to the handsomest of her sex; because there is
that in her features which marks the young woman of distinguished birth.  She is unfortunately of a sickly constitution,
which has prevented her making that progress in many
accomplishments, which she could not otherwise have failed
of; as I am informed by the lady who superintended her
education, and who still resides with them.  But she is perfectly amiable, and often condescends to drive by my humble
abode in her little phaeton and ponies."
"Has she been presented?  I do not remember her name
among the ladies at court."
"Her indifferent state of health unhappily prevents her
being in town; and by that means, as I told Lady Catherine
myself one day, has deprived the British court of its brightest
ornament.  Her ladyship seemed pleased with the idea, and
you may imagine that I am happy on every occasion to offer
those little delicate compliments which are always acceptable
to ladies.  I have more than once observed to Lady Catherine,
that her charming daughter seemed born to be a duchess, and
that the most elevated rank, instead of giving her consequence,
would be adorned by her. -- These are the kind of little things
which please her ladyship, and it is a sort ofattention which I
conceive myself peculiarly bound to pay."
"You judge very properly," said Mr. Bennet, "and it is happy
for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy.
May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the
impulse of the moment, or are the result of previous study?"
"They arise chiefly from what is passing at the time, and
though I sometimes amuse myself with suggesting and
arranging such little elegant compliments as may be adapted
to ordinary occasions, I always wish to give them as unstudied
an air as possible."
Mr. Bennet's expectations were fully answered.  His cousin
was as absurd as he had hoped, and he listened to him with the
keenest enjoyment, maintaining at the same time the most
resolute composure of countenance, and except in an occasional glance at Elizabeth, requiring no partner in his pleasure.
By tea-time however the dose had been enough, and Mr. 
Bennet was glad to take his guest into the drawing-room
again, and when tea was over, glad to invite him to read aloud
to the ladies.  Mr. Collins readily assented, and a book was
produced; but on beholding it, (for every thing announced it
to be from a circulating library,) he started back, and begging
pardon, protested that he never read novels. -- Kitty stared
at him, and Lydia exclaimed. -- Other books were produced,
and after some deliberation he chose Fordyce's Sermons.
Lydia gaped as he opened the volume, and before he had, with
very monotonous solemnity, read three pages, she interrupted
him with,
"Do you know, mama, that my uncle Philips talks of turning 
away Richard, and if he does, Colonel Forster will hire
him.  My aunt told me so herself on Saturday.  I shall walk
to Meryton to-morrow to hear more about it, and to ask when
Mr. Denny comes back from town."
Lydia was bid by her two eldest sisters to hold her tongue;
but Mr. Collins, much offended, laid aside his book, and said,
"I have often observed how little young ladies are interested
by books of a serious stamp, though written solely for their
benefit.  It amazes me, I confess; -- for certainly, there can be
nothing so advantageous to them as instruction.  But I will no
longer importune my young cousin."
Then turning to Mr. Bennet, he offered himself as his
antagonist at backgammon.  Mr. Bennet accepted the challenge, observing that he acted very wisely in leaving the girls
to their own trifling amusements.  Mrs. Bennet and her daughters apologised most civilly for Lydia's interruption, and
promised that it should not occur again, if he would resume
his book; but Mr. Collins, after assuring them that he bore
his young cousin no ill will, and should never resent her
behaviour as any affront, seated himself at another table with
Mr. Bennet, and prepared for backgammon.