Chapter 16

IT was the second week in May, in which the three young
ladies set out together from Gracechurch-street, for the town
of -- in Hertfordshire; and, as they drew near the appointed
inn where Mr. Bennet's carriage was to meet them, they
quickly perceived, in token of the coachman's punctuality,
both Kitty and Lydia looking out of a dining room upstairs.
These two girls had been above an hour in the place, happily
employed in visiting an opposite milliner, watching the
sentinel on guard, and dressing a sallad and cucumber.
After welcoming their sisters, they triumphantly displayed
a table set out with such cold meat as an inn larder usually
affords, exclaiming, "Is not this nice?  is not this an agreeable
surprise?"
"And we mean to treat you all," added Lydia; "but you must
lend us the money, for we have just spent ours at the shop out
there."  Then shewing her purchases: "Look here, I have
bought this bonnet.  I do not think it is very pretty; but I
thought I might as well buy it as not.  I shall pull it to pieces
as soon as I get home, and see if I can make it up any better."
And when her sisters abused it as ugly, she added, with
perfect unconcern, "Oh!  but there were two or three much
uglier in the shop; and when I have bought some prettier-
coloured satin to trim it with fresh, I think it will be very
tolerable.  Besides, it will not much signify what one wears
this summer, after the -- shire have left Meryton, and they
are going in a fortnight."
"Are they indeed?" cried Elizabeth, with the greatest satisfaction.
"They are going to be encamped near Brighton; and I do
so want papa to take us all there for the summer!  It would be
such a delicious scheme, and I dare say would hardly cost any
thing at all.  Mamma would like to go too of all things!  Only
think what a miserable summer else we shall have!"
"Yes," thought Elizabeth, "that would be a delightful scheme,
indeed, and completely do for us at once.  Good Heaven!
Brighton, and a whole campful of soldiers, to us, who have
been overset already by one poor regiment of militia, and the
monthly balls of Meryton."
"Now I have got some news for you," said Lydia, as they
sat down to table.  "What do you think?  It is excellent news,
capital news, and about a certain person that we all like."
Jane and Elizabeth looked at each other, and the waiter
was told that he need not stay.  Lydia laughed, and said,
"Aye, that is just like your formality and discretion.  You
thought the waiter must not hear, as if he cared!  I dare say
he often hears worse things said than I am going to say.  But
he is an ugly fellow!  I am glad he is gone.  I never saw such a
long chin in my life."  Well, but now for my news: it is about
dear Wickham; too good for the waiter, is not it?  There is no
danger of Wickham's marrying Mary King.  There's for you!
She is gone down to her uncle at Liverpool; gone to stay.
Wickham is safe."
"And Mary King is safe!" added Elizabeth; "safe from a
connection imprudent as to fortune."
"She is a great fool for going away, if she liked him."
"But I hope there is no strong attachment on either side,"
said Jane.
"I am sure there is not on his.  I will answer for it he never
cared three straws about her.  Who could about such a nasty
little freckled thing?"
Elizabeth was shocked to think that, however incapable of
such coarseness of expression herself, the coarseness of the
sentiment was little other than her own breast had formerly
harboured and fancied liberal!
As soon as all had ate, and the elder ones paid, the carriage
was ordered; and after some contrivance, the whole party,
with all their boxes, workbags, and parcels, and the unwelcome addition of Kitty's and Lydia's purchases, were
seated in it.
"How nicely we are crammed in!" cried Lydia.  "I am glad
I bought my bonnet, if it is only for the fun of having another
bandbox!  Well, now let us be quite comfortable and snug,
and talk and laugh all the way home.  And in the first place,
let us hear what has happened to you all, since you went away.
Have you seen any pleasant men?  Have you had any flirting?
I was in great hopes that one of you would have got a husband
before you came back.  Jane will be quite an old maid soon, I
declare.  She is almost three and twenty!  Lord, how ashamed
I should be of not being married before three and twenty!
My aunt Philips wants you so to get husbands, you can't
think.  She says Lizzy had better have taken Mr. Collins; but
I do not think there would have been any fun in it.  Lord!  how
I should like to be married before any of you; and then I would
chaperon you about to all the balls.  Dear me!  we had such a
good piece of fun the other day at Colonel Foster's.  Kitty
and me were to spend the day there, and Mrs. Forster promised 
to have a little dance in the evening; (by the bye, Mrs. 
Forster and me are such friends!) and so she asked the two
Harringtons to come, but Harriet was ill, and so Pen was
forced to come by herself; and then, what do you think we
did?  We dressed up Chamberlayne in woman's clothes, on
purpose to pass for a lady, -- only think what fun!  Not a soul
knew of it, but Col.  and Mrs. Forster, and Kitty and me,
except my aunt, for we were forced to borrow one of her
gowns; and you cannot imagine how well he looked!  When
Denny, and Wickham, and Pratt, and two or three more of
the men came in, they did not know him in the least.  Lord!
how I laughed!  and so did Mrs. Forster.  I thought I should
have died.  And that made the men suspect something, and
then they soon found out what was the matter."
With such kind of histories of their parties and good jokes,
did Lydia, assisted by Kitty's hints and additions, endeavour
to amuse her companions all the way to Longbourn.  Elizabeth listened as little as she could, but there was no escaping
the frequent mention of Wickham's name.
Their reception at home was most kind.  Mrs. Bennet
rejoiced to see Jane in undiminished beauty; and more than
once during dinner did Mr. Bennet say voluntarily to
Elizabeth,
"I am glad you are come back, Lizzy."
Their party in the dining-room was large, for almost all
the Lucases came to meet Maria and hear the news: and
various were the subjects which occupied them; lady Lucas
was enquiring of Maria across the table, after the welfare and
poultry of her eldest daughter; Mrs. Bennet was doubly
engaged, on one hand collecting an account of the present
fashions from Jane, who sat some way below her, and on the
other, retailing them all to the younger Miss Lucases; and
Lydia, in a voice rather louder than any other person's, was
enumerating the various pleasures of the morning to any body
who would hear her.
"Oh!  Mary," said she, "I wish you had gone with us, for we
had such fun!  as we went along, Kitty and me drew up all the
blinds, and pretended there was nobody in the coach; and I
should have gone so all the way, if Kitty had not been sick;
and when we got to the George, I do think we behaved very
handsomely, for we treated the other three with the nicest cold
luncheon in the world, and if you would have gone, we would
have treated you too.  And then when we came away it was
such fun!  I thought we never should have got into the coach.
I was ready to die of laughter.  And then we were so merry all
the way home!  we talked and laughed so loud, that any body
might have heard us ten miles off!"
To this, Mary very gravely replied, "Far be it from me, my
dear sister, to depreciate such pleasures.  They would doubtless 
be congenial with the generality of female minds.  But
I confess they would have no charms for me.  I should infinitely
prefer a book."
But of this answer Lydia heard not a word.  She seldom
listened to any body for more than half a minute, and never
attended to Mary at all.
In the afternoon Lydia was urgent with the rest of the girls
to walk to Meryton and see how every body went on; but Elizabeth steadily opposed the scheme.  It should not be said, that
the Miss Bennets could not be at home half a day before they
were in pursuit of the officers.  There was another reason too
for her opposition.  She dreaded seeing Wickham again, and
was resolved to avoid it as long as possible.  The comfort to her,
of the regiment's approaching removal, was indeed beyond
expression.  In a fortnight they were to go, and once gone, she
hoped there could be nothing more to plague her on his account.
She had not been many hours at home, before she found that
the Brighton scheme, of which Lydia had given them a hint at
the inn, was under frequent discussion between her parents.
Elizabeth saw directly that her father had not the smallest
intention of yielding; but his answers were at the same time
so vague and equivocal, that her mother, though often 
disheartened, had never yet despaired of succeeding at last.