Anna

(A Monologue)

The place is the living room of a rowhouse in a block of almost

identical rowhouses, similar to those in South Philadelphia.  This

one is emptied  of  its furniture, except for two folding chairs on

which sit two women well into their ‘80’s. One speaks, the other

listens, both assuming their roles naturally, eagerly, as if this,

between them, was usually the case.

I never told you this, Concetta, but I hated this house when I first saw it. Funny…now I’m saying goodbye, and all of a sudden I can say it. Maybe because it’s all empty again  -- the way it was back then, the day I first walked in that door with Vince.

But I came to love it -- warts and all, as they say. The warts were the wiring and the plumbing -- all those technical things that weren’t quite right back then. But we fixed all that.

You know, my mother said almost the same thing about Vince on our wedding day.  That was back in the Old Country, and it was the first time she sat me down for  a different kind of talk, as if now, since I was getting married, I was officially a grownup and she could tell me all the  important things about life you didn’t talk about when you were single. I blurted out that I didn’t know if I loved him. Silly Anna, she said. You don’t just get to love somebody – just like that. You’ll come to love him. That’s what she said.

The way she saw it, people didn’t know what love was. It wasn’t something you were born with. It’s something you had to find out. And that’s what marriage was for.  If you went into it like that, she said, you’d have a lot more satisfaction.  Don’t be one of those foolish girls who expect to love somebody from the start. You don’t even know them, she said, never lived day-in and day-out with them….Well, of course, that was the old days, when you didn’t jump into bed with people, move in with them like you were just taking a roommate you could change next month if it didn’t work out. You know, the way they do nowadays.

But my mother said a lot more than that. She said the main thing is that Vince had always respected me -- you know, didn’t have his way with me. Because, she said, so many men were like that  --  ruined a girl, her family and thought nothing of it. Look at Carla Infanta, she said.  It’s true she was kidnapped – that horrible Rocco and his friends pushed her into his uncle’s car, and kept her out, not one night, but two.  But, like people said, did she have to go all the way to Vetri when there was a well half as far? And  all by herself? Didn’t they tell her, it was too deserted, too out of the way? You didn’t just go there alone. No wonder they said she was in on it.  Well, what’s done is done. She had to get married and was sent off in disgrace. Not like you, my Anna, getting married in white, with a house waiting for you in America.  A house around the corner, your uncle said, so, thank God, family will be close by.  

Then she said something strange. Don’t worry if Vince is a little slow, she said. Just remember he has a good heart, and he’ll always treat you right. Some men are flashy,   know how to sweep a woman off her feet. They even try to tempt a married woman. I’ve been through it enough to know, how they try to get into every skirt in sight.. That’s when you have trouble. Not everybody knows it. Sometimes they won’t just let you be! You have to be always on your guard -- even with your husband’s best friend. And you have to look over your own shoulder – at your own best friend,  even your sister, . They just keep at it, hellbent as they are on having their way , not caring one bit what they do to a family. Well, enough of that, she said. Let’s get back to Vince.

Concetta, let me tell you, I was scared to death, about to get married, and my mother carrying on like that, making me wonder what she was talking about. She got me  wondering about my father,  my Aunt Sylvia, Comare Clara. Of course, my Uncle Guido always  had an eye for everyone,  so I wouldn’t put anything past him.  Maybe even my mother.  I ask you is that any way to go into your wedding? 

And what did she mean Vince was slow?  He didn’t talk that much, but you knew he had something to say. That was his strong point.  He wasn’t handsome. You could even say he was homely – but not in a bad way.  I guess you could say I wasn’t attracted to him.  I wondered if that would come later, too.  

All that talk made my mother very agitated. Did he kiss you, she said?  I know he respected you, but did he put his hands on you? You know how men are, even good men. I know he would never hurt you. But, you know, tonight you are in for a big surprise. Even if he never touched you, never stroked you in some private place…I mean even a little bit….Well, how can I say this if you know nothing? Just don’t be surprised if tonight, your wedding night….Well, he might even jump on you. Don’t be afraid. That’s what they’re supposed to do. They can get carried away. Even slow ones, like Vince. Before you know it, they’re more like animals than men. I have to tell you all this, she said, so you’ll be a little bit prepared. What kind of mother would I be if I let you into the lion’s den when you don’t expect a lion?

Why do I remember it all now….as if it were yesterday? I guess leaving this house, this life I made with Vince. That could do it. My God, I’m going to Canada to live with my sister!  It’s just that I’m going alone. I won’t be part of a “we” anymore.

It’s a shame you never married, Concetta.  It’s true I never had children – the first one got in my tubes, and the doctors said that ruined my equipment. But, that aside, getting married is a good thing.  

I know you were engaged once, but sometimes, didn’t you miss that part of your life?  Having a man of your own, I mean, making your life with someone? You never talk about it, and I wonder why. We’re close friends. You were always like  family,  like the sister I never had  close-by. And you were close-by --  practically next door. But you  were always funny that way, never one to talk private talk. Oh, I did more than my share. But, with you,  it was as if you were part of our lives, Vince and mine…as if you never had one of your own.

Don’t laugh, but I once thought maybe Vince was  more suited to you than to me.  He was always quiet like you, didn’t have a temper or didn’t flair up like me. But you were more like brother and sister, a sweet brother and sister, wouldn’t you say? I hope you didn’t envy me too much.

I hate to leave you  behind like this! But at least we have time for our   last goodbyes. And I do appreciate your waiting with  me to be picked up.  I hope it doesn’t make you too sad. But, you know, with Vince gone, it just isn’t the same. And I’m not one meant to be alone. Why, I might even have stayed in the Old Country, never left home, never married Vince, if it wasn’t for my mother. She was all for marriage,  for getting a man to call your own... and keeping him,  no matter what.  That’s something else she said. Once you have them, you don’t let them go She wasn’t right about everything, but I do owe her that -- and all her warnings about our wedding night. He was a lion, all right, but I loved it.  Didn’t you?

Diana Cavallo