A Model General Major

I'm set to be a scholar now of military history
My heat in hot discussion has become, quite bluntly, blistery.
I'm up on hoplite tactics and I've facts on every battle site
And with no hesitation name the place of every phalangite.
I've read the ancient authors from Aeneas down to Xenophon.
Upon a map of Asia I can say where Alexander's gone.
I'll tell you of the _scutum_ and I'll give the _pelta_'s radius
And mention the best ways the Romans pierced it with a gladius.

     (And mention the best ways the Romans pierced it with a gladius!)

I've studied long to tell you of the varied sorts of catapults
I know to shoot an arc use stones, and if you would shoot flatter,
     bolts.
I know how river names have changed, the Danube was the Ister, see
I'm set to be a scholar now of military history!

     (He knows how river names have changed, the Danube was the
     Ister, see--He's set to be a scholar now of military history!)

My favorite stuff's the naval parts, I know just how the triremes
     clashed.
I'll tell you at the slightest hint at Chios how the oars got smashed,
I'll tell you how you can ignore the sort of things that float these
     days,
And smother you with data on the way they built _epotides_.
With many skilled arrangements I can clear up any rowing scheme,
I can describe the oarsmen from the "Forty" to the Quadrireme.
And when we get around to Rhodes there's no theme I find holier
Than clearing up the mystery of the _triemiolia_.

     (He clears up all the mystery of Rhodes' triemiolia!)

Then going to the blackboard I can diagram the maniples
The Romans used from Tarquin's wars to Scipio's and Hannibal's.
When I find data that's been skewed and ask "who could the twister
     be?"
I'm set to be a scholar then of military history.

Indeed, when I can name the ranks from ousiarch to duumvir,
And tell you how the _pilum_ differed from a normal throwing spear,
And make it clear why no oarsman would want to be a thalomite,
And how the Roman officers were always on the prowl, at night,
When in less than an hour I can tell you of the sarissa,
And make it clear what Xerxes saw beneath his royal parasol,
{When I can name all cataphracts however large or various
And say why every Roman legion had its own _pullarius_},
When I can tell you all the street names of a legionary camp
You'll say that I'm a scholar of an extraordinary stamp.

     (You'll say that he's a scholar of an extraordinary stamp!)

But now, they say my citing's wrong and that my grasp of grammar's weak,
They tell me that my Latin's flawed and that I'm even worse at Greek,
But someday soon no aspect of old warfare will hold mystery!
I'll be a perfect scholar then of military history!

     (But someday soon no aspect of old warfare will hold mystery,
     He'll be a perfect scholar then of military history!)