The interview with Marie, a former Roman Catholic nun was insightful. During her time as a nun, Marie and the church were under going inner turmoil. They were influenced by the culture which was around them. The 1960s was a time of great change and the Vietnam War forced individuals to question their tradition values and the institutions which were composed of these values. Both the church and state had to formulate answers to these questions. The church could no longer expect to receive unconditional faith from its congregation. The church's response was the radical change of doctrine that was expressed by the Vatican Council II. Marie's life demonstrates the feelings of fear and isolation that the Church propagated prior to the 1960s. Although the church tried to address these issues in the Council, many Christians were alienated from the flock.
Marie's earliest memories of the Church was of an institution that was both mystical and powerful. It protected its members and provided a safe haven for them. But there was an ominous element about it. Marie described the Church as fearsome. It punished and expelled those who questioned its authority. The theme that the church was infallible was still present when Marie was receiving her secondary education. She went on to say that there was the certain correlation that if you did what the sisters told you, then they would like you. Unquestioned allegiance was rewarded.
It was surprising that it never occurred to Marie to evaluate the validity of the Church's doctrine. Marie stated that she ...lived in an environment where creative thought was not encouraged. Deviation from the norm was not recognized, or rewarded, whether it was at home, school, or church. This air of servitude was not a characteristic exclusive to the Church but instead it applied to society as a whole. Individuals were expected to unquestionably fill the roles which the Church and society, particularly the government, defined for them. It was not until much later in life that Marie gained the strength to express her voice.
One of the factors that influenced Marie to become a nun was that she came from a depressed economic background. There were scarce opportunities available for women during this period. She described her choice by stating, ...at the time it seemed much better than living the normal life that I was supposed to. It was seen that Maries choice provided her an escape from her repressive neighborhood. Marie's decision changed her situation by a matter of degree. Although becoming a nun provided her with a college education and the chance to live in an academic and spiritual environment, she was once again residing in a place that had "...a lot of rules and how happy you were depended on how well you adjusted." She was not in an ideal situation.
After becoming a nun Marie had to endure some humbling situations. She declared that she had "...spent a great deal of my career catching mice in kitchens, doing shopping, doing cleaning, and transporting old people." Although these chores were trying she recognized that they were the responsibilities that she must accept in order to be"...a part of that community." But what troubled her the most was that she was a teacher who was not confident in her ability to provide answers to questions of religion. She said that If there were issues about a theological nature that did not make sense you simply had faith. Over time her faith wavered and she became more unsure of herself. She asserted that she was "...a teacher and was expected to proclaim many things about the Churchs creed. In many instances I was not sure what I felt about it myself." It became evident that she was not comfortable in her role within the church and that it was only a matter of time before she would leave the Church.
The Vatican Council II was the event which enabled Marie to reevaluate her life. Marie stated that during the Council "...every structure and statement of belief in the church was being questioned, or redefined in some way." On the personal level she asserted that the Council had "...provided me with an opportunity to decide whether I was in the place I wanted to be, and if I was truly living out God's plan for me." It was a truly revolutionary time. Marie stressed that the goal of the council was to heal divisions within the church. Society was made aware that "...every person has value and that every person has dignity." Individuals were able to decide matters of faith by choosing "...within their own conscience." There was a shift of emphasis in the Church from the institution to the individual.
It was stressed that Marie's exodus from the Church was caused by issues within herself as well as issues that dealt primarily with the Church. The role of women in the church was one of many contributing factors that lead to her decision to leave. She said that women were considered "...handmaids...(who) were not appreciated for the depth of their spirituality and their contributions to religious thought." When asked her opinion concerning the ordination of women as priests she remarked that "...in many instances women may have more sensitivity towards the needs of the people than the clergy have. Marie felt that the churchs repression of women wasted a considerable talent pool."
The issues of homosexuality and sexual abuse of children were commented upon by Marie. The vow of celibacy taken by priests linked those issues. Marie thought that the vow of celibacy caused a greater incidence of homosexuality and sexual abuse. She felt that because there was not an outlet for sexual desires, it could be easily understood why these issues occurred. Marie admitted that the church had a history of covering up and she did not know whether the Church tried to counsel sexual abusers. She asserted that homosexuals were not harassed unless they openly identified themselves as gay. It was ironic that the church was struggling with this issue because the vow of celibacy should have made the issue irrelevant.
The vow of celibacy was also at the heart of the discussion about priests ability to marry. Marie felt that it was an economic issue that centered on the Churchs ability to support the clergy's families. As long as the church depended upon contributions from its members, it would not increase its financial responsibilities. Marie did go on to say that eventually priests would be able to marry. This statement leads to an even greater question: Could the Roman Catholic Church be distinguished from Protestantism if it continued to reform itself? Maries answer to this question was interpreted as no. She declared that The striving of all Christianity is to a oneness "...It may not occur in our lifetime but their is the possibility of being one church."
It was the theme of unity that dominated the interview. In a way it appeared that unity with God was equated as love. This idea emerged when Marie stated that she wanted the Church to be "...a place where people feel that they are loved." Marie could not find this love in her childhood home. Later in life she unsuccessfully tried to discover love within the walls of the convent. When all else failed she tried to find love in a bottle. She recovered from her illness by joining another church, Alcoholics Anonymous. Marie asserted that the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous demonstrated "...in a simple way how someone can live and recognize a higher power, and how one can become responsible for their selves and others in the community." It was a doctrine of faith and good works. Maries story demonstrated that individuals cannot recognize love until they achieve self awareness.
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