The Thing Under the Bed Outside the thugs now stalk their prey, The crime rate rises, day by day, I keep a calm and steady head, That, and a shotgun under the bed. One by one the neighors flee, Sell their homes, and scoff at me. I prefer a fight, instead. That, and a shotgun under the bed. I pray, with I hope true contrition, Praise God, and pass the ammunition. I sleep well with my prayer said, That, and a shotgun under the bed. Fear glides through the streets at night, I walk, and hold my sword-cane tight. And I keep an even tread, That, and a shotgun under the bed. A thump, a thud, and breaking glass, Rack the slide, "They shall not pass!" Such a remedy for dread, That shotgun beneath my bed. Double-ought, Number 4 Buck, Merit far more trust than luck. I prefer myself, instead, That, and a shotgun under the bed. Peace of mind can gently well From a 12 gauge mouth of Hell-- Fluff your pillow, smoothe your spread. Oil the shotgun under the bed.