e v i l t w i n e p i s o d e
D A N I E L M . N E S T E R
The villains I miss were doppelgangers,
Always flawed by mustaches, always haunched,
Equilateral, poised from right of the screen.
He's introduced after some unexplained
Exile, where he has been tutored in
The ways of evil and mustache maintenance,
And returns for a two-part escapade,
Some revenge on his clean-shaven brethren.
(The proclivity of heroes' mothers
To give birth to twins has never been explained.)
In the final skirmish, always Greco-
Roman wrestling, the good guy's dim comrade
Cannot figure out whom to shoot. Unlike
Bouts with, say, Big Foot, she (always a girl)
Cannot distinguish between the two, since
The villain has figured out shaving his mustache
Advances his cause. I still miss it when
Our breathless hero turns the look-alike's
Body over, regains presence of mind,
Sees himself dead, calm, in his own clothes.