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   c a t a l o g u e    o f    c o m e d i c    n o v e l t i e s

--- L E V   R U B I N S H T E I N


--translation of Lev Rubinshtein by Philip Metres and Tanya Tulchinsky

1

You could engage in something;

2

You could engage in establishing conceptual unity and spend almost all your time on it;

3

You could engage in establishing cause-and-effect connections and forget about everything else;

4

You could engage in mediating between a leader and follower and not know what outcome would be positive;

5

You could engage in classifying possibilities from the viewpoint of their level of humor;

6

You could engage in classifying passions from the viewpoint of how serious the consequences;

7

You could engage in classifying words from the viewpoint of their contextual meaning;

8

You could engage in classifying deeds from the viewpoint of their contextual motivation;

9

You could engage in classifying conditions from the viewpoint of their vagueness;

10

You could engage in classifying events from the viewpoint of their likely outcome;

11

You could engage in classifying positions from the viewpoint of their hopelessness;

12

You could engage in classifying doubts from the viewpoint of their difficulty of dispelling;

13

You could eliminate any doubts, just by finding the powerful rhythm-building catalyst of existence--but in that would be all the difficulty;

14

You could engage in some other task, not delving excessively into its details;

15

You could begin from whatever you wanted, being of the belief that whatever beginning in a given situation will be rife with possibility;

16

You could absolutize a minute weakness, elevating it to the role of a constructive principle;

17

You could bring any feeling-for example, wariness-to, let's say, cosmic proportions;

18

You could use all the rights you happen to be granted, not resorting to their proclamation;

19

You could teach a lesson of great patience, and in such a way that no one would even sense it;

20

You could bum around the border between self-mystification and self-exposure and reflect awhile before the forbidden zone;

21

You could stop before the forbidden zone in order to think about the so-called consequences;

22

You could stop before the necessity of choosing, or you could break the threshold of an imaginary necessity;

23

You could get ahead of events, but you cannot predict them;

24

You could foresee every little detail, or you may just as well decide not to;

25

You could wander in thickets of emotional experiences, finding your way by fictive signs and ideas alone;

26

You could wander in a conceptual forest, not caring at all about the true goal of the trip;

27

You could perceive the mechanisms of different phenomena and not let anyone know about it;

28

You could believe the opposite of what you preach, or you could do otherwise, without risking being exposed;

29

You could successfully mistake one for the other and be delighted in your discovery, not risking falling into error;

30

You could successfully exchange one for the other, not risking falling into ethical heresy;

31

You could live on the energy of hidden yearning quite successfully;

32

You could look nowhere, but see everything;

33

You could see everything, but understand nothing;

34

You could see everything and understand everything;

35

You could pay attention to nothing at all, or on the contrary, pay attention to everything; you could pay attention to what seems the most meaningful;

36

You could see yourself in a dream, as if from the outside, in a most unsightly role and wake from embarrassment and shame--but that's a private matter;

37

You could see yourself from the outside and be horrified, or you could be happy about it;

38

You could run from certain meetings, glances, conversations etc., but isn't it much better to just confront your fate;

39

You could almost mechanically construct mythological situations;

40

You could find yourself in a more than embarrassing position;

41

You could find yourself in the neighborhood and stop by to drink tea and chat;

42

You could chat about anything you like, and as long as you like, being interested in the texture of speech alone;

43

You could spend time enjoyably without any risk of growing tired of each other--but you have to know how;

44

You could try to frighten each other with the most ominous half-hints, with only the opposite result;

45

You could scrutinize each other with such wariness that it could become quite a captivating game;

46

You could speak for hours about the very same thing, not feeling sated-but it would be difficult;

47

You could talk about nothing for hours, and then say goodbye as if nothing happened;

48

You could end forever a conversation just begun, then see wait and see what will come of it;

49

You could believe that certain questions will always remain unsolved;

50

You could complicate everything, or you may just as well simplify everything to such a degree that there'd be just nothing left to talk about;

51

You could mystify to such a degree that the very possibility of demystification begins to seem definitely illusory;

52

You could get tired of each other to such a degree that the possibility of new, unseen incentives for communication will emerge;

53

You could manage completely without immediate help from each other: a silent agreement is enough;

54

You could overhear other people's conversations with immense delight, overjoyed at your good luck, as if it were a personal achievement;

55

You could resort to various tricks so your joy would know no bounds whatsoever;

56

You could get together to discuss the situation at hand;

57

You could get together to decide what is stronger: --the necessity of the breakthrough into a new metaphysical reality or the pathological dread of a false step; --the speculative understanding of a departure from an automated sphere or the emotional attachment to it; --the clear foundation of the freedom of choice or the striving to recognize with the will of a usurper; --the voice of desired peace or something else; --etc.

58

You could speak about the danger of prominence, often disguised as importance;

59

You could talk about your fleeting impressions endlessly, but who knows how productive it is;

60

You could speak seriously about nothing but the idea of productivity, but who knows what in the world it really means;

61

You could discuss all of this with a seriousness no more and no less than the subject of the discussion merits;

62

You could suddenly imagine that a final decision is made, but that's exactly what should be feared;

63

You could suddenly direct your gaze at one of multiple manifestations of reality and, later, call it the arbitrary choice of object;

64

You could suddenly declare to all within earshot what you wouldn't even say in secret;

65

You could suddenly grow ashamed of something you said and try to neutralize it by your next statement;

66

You could suddenly declare without exaltation and coquetry about your own incompetence-but this, first of all, is almost impossible, and second of all, is completely unnecessary;

67

You could, in essence, express your last will, but in such a strange way that everyone will be thinking the same thing;

68

You could, with a passing mention of someone's name, suddenly force everyone to exchange glances;

69

You could suddenly move and win someone over with the utmost triviality;

70

You could shoot the breeze, not worrying whether you make a good impression or not;

71

You could endlessly withdraw from an object or draw near an object, not condescending to generalizations of any kind;

72

You could, probably, tell about a situation in such a way that no one would turn out to be a non-participant;

73

You could make sure once again that everything is in its rightful place-for that, you just have to unexpectedly look back;

74

You could leave at any moment, and you could arrive at any moment in order to make sure that everything is in its rightful place;

75

You could say something as you go by or you could keep quiet;

76

You could, in one powerful breath, blurt out everything you know, but the meaning will turn out to be the breath alone;

77

You could move closer in order to hear what they are talking about;

78

You could suddenly hear what you already know;

79

You could find out all that you need, even without resorting to inquiries;

80

You could, by the way, not knowing what someone's talking about, get drunk from a feeling of inner kinship;

81

You could imagine anyone in any situation-and that would be a comedic novelty;

82

You could, not risking to appear ridiculous, believe that your voice will be heard, no matter what--that would also be a comedic novelty;

83

You could artistically disregard a system of your own beliefs, if such disregard has the ability to become a comedic novelty;

84

You could pay no attention at all to whatever you don't want to consider a comedic novelty;

85

You could stay exactly where you are, both in the literal and in the figurative sense, and this also would pass as a comedic novelty;

86

You could take a bit of everything in an arbitrary order and in arbitrary proportions-it's no secret that it would be a comedic novelty;

87

You could sharpen a comedic consciousness so that someone who's sleeping would suddenly wake up a great comic;

88

You could explain all of this with completely different reasons;

89

You could explain this, for example, as the dread of a false step, but it would hardly be a true explanation;

90

You could take the mere weak twinkle of conceptual contours for relapses of the most unbridled lyricism of past ages;

91

You could think any deliberate form is conservative, and proceed from this in the estimation of things;

92

You could think that it will end just with what it began;

93

You could think that something completely unusual is happening;

94

You could think that nothing happened;

95

You could end up noticing nothing at all;

96

You could know beforehand what will end with what, but it's highly non-comedic to reveal this knowledge;

97

You could declare the very uncertainty as the cornerstone;

98

You could comply with your natural craving for leisure and inactivity;

99

You could very well live on the remains of passed festivities-but who needs this;

100

You could search for a nod of true salvation even in fruitless manipulations with memory;

101

You could perceive, in the very fact of comedic preconceptions, the secret sign of fatal numbness;

102

You could run from fatal numbness, if you could adopt properly a principle of comedy;

103

You could, on the other hand, fail to be imbued with the spirit of comedic novelties, but you really can't do anything about it;

104

You could reject given possibilities and think that nothing took place;

105

You could continue in this vein;

106

You could cease all of this at any moment-and this is the good thing about comedic novelties;

107

You could wait awhile, then begin with renewed strength;

108

You could repeat everything from the beginning;

109

You could stop thinking about the consequences: their nature will be comedic;

110

You could stop worrying about tomorrow: its nature will be comedic.

© crossconnect 1995-2000 |
published in association with the |
university of pennsylvania's kelly writers house |