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I'm the wrong person in the picture -- the caption says "Winners of the Spelling Bee" and the girls smiling at me during the shoot are saying I'm cute, but I can't believe it. I'm thirteen, I'm not white-- I'm unthinkable.

I'm thinking I could get killed for smiling back because in 4th grade when Laura asked me to kiss her her boyfriend threw me across the floor into her wood-backed steel-tube chair and ironically as I struggled up my head bumped under her seat and her dress fell over my head, then in the light blue confusion off balance I bumped into this soft white patch printed with little flowers and she squealed, embarrassed, pushing my head down while I tried to stand till we tumbled over and when I knew where my face was my mouth dropped open on the most wrong of all places -- I was about to be killed at nine. I struggled to get up again but she cried my name out laughing as she slid her whiteness away, and I came out from under her blue, her face flushed bright red... "Why'd you open your mouth, there?" "It -- it was an accident..." "It felt good!" I looked at her boyfriend and out eyes met, astonished.

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