n i g h t o u t w i t h m y s i s t e r 's c o n t a c t i m p r o v i s a t i o n a l d a n c e g i r l f r i e n d s
J E F F R E Y L O O
1. the deal
I felt in my guts that something was up
the way Jude led me in,
you'd take off your clothes,
do anything we want --"
(pinching my waist)
and we'll enlighten you...
if you just slip into this,"
and she handed me
a small black velvet dress.
"No! I'm not gonna --"
Carol measured meticulously
up under my shirt:
"It'll fit!" she burst,
(stroking my chest)
"Besides, you're a poet...
Think of this as research..."
(my buckle popped)
Carol's bourbon voice was so hot,
"But I just took if off for you..."
(my ear caught fire)
I should've known it was a trap
when my shoulders got stuck
halfway through with most of the narrows
still overhead and nothing below --
in the bathroom I gasped,
"Help! I'm trapped in this thing!"
They crowded in behind and slowly
tugged down the sturdy, strangling tube --
and then the taping and shaping
of the slimy, squishy balloons.
Jude poked one, jabbed the other and snapped,
"You see -- you see
what we go through for you."
2. After he said, "Hey baby"
"'Hey baby' yourself --
you're making a fatal error," I warned
shouting over the authentically retro pop.
In a muscle-bound nylon shirt
half-open to fur and cheap gold chains
he stared straight through
Carol in my clothes
and Jude in overalls.
But Jude challenged him:
"I bet my girlfriend here
could kill you arm wresting."
He sneered, "It's impossible --
I may be a moron, but things like that
just do NOT happen!"
Jude chimed, "Well, you're at least half right."
Then her eyes counted the seconds till he realized
he was being trashed (her sort-of IQ test.)
Oh no, his eyes were glazed
in soft focus, sticking to me like white glue --
Jude clasped my cheek and cracked:
"Baby, he's smitten."
"I bet his chest size is bigger than his IQ..."
My feelings were mixed --
I didn't want to laugh
but when she did the math,
"A forty-six plus four - for that deep manly, shag,"
I was shaking so hard I thought
my balloons would pop.
Not seeing what was really shaking,
he stepped close and asked, full of hope,
"So, ya wanna dance?"
"Sorry, I don't dance with men
whose tits are bigger than mine."
Finally, a frown, hostility,
maybe even violence-in-the-making.
But Jude gently slid her body up
against Mr. Rug and shrugged,
"Well, she tried to warn you...
She's not a girl who misses much."