text mode CrossConnect previous next

Issue Contents
E-mail Us
   s u t u:    r i n g    (t h e    d i l:    d o    w i t h)    l i g h t:    n i n g

--- B I L L Y   X   O 'B R I E N   A N D   R O N A L D   P A L M E R

The nasal whine of power whips a new universe...wounds that we wrap
with theorems sharp as hail! -- Hart Crane, "Cape Hatteras"

One c: loud's ig: nition brands: a hand-pain: ted blue vein: a qui: c:k Epi: gonic wish: bone: dec: orates the shaft: of my 8" realistic: c:O: c: K: which comes with its own suc:tion c:up! Inserted at the base beneath the test: ic: les: two small kiwi: dip: ped in gau: zed rub: ber. After the Hydro: ponic kiss: I ride my invi: sible man (sunk into the floorboards). Dil: do:nic body surf breaks my ice cave into fragments.

Sic: k with the world: I call out to theCh:

Urning: haunting monk's moan: I spec: ialize in the wounded zone: ec: ho-pulsing through all that dang: er(r:one)ous darkness: erroneous erogenous bone:

As the solitary whale eye: speeds up through green depths of oc: ean: emerges to witness that live: wire: slap: Light c: racks the globe: dwarfs a c: lust: er of needy sky sc: rapers.

Huddled and vying for attention from an oc: ean that pretends not to be l:one:ly: Chur: ning

Chur: ning like a moaning monk through all that dangerous darkness. (sometimes I pray this mostly happens by accident before sleep is someone talking to you the TV mostly this originates in fear which is where the prayer hooks me like floss)

I later rode the un: comfortable mar: riage of per:ception & sensation and con: ception.

Ink-stained dildo purple stuck-suctioned phony man

Flopping monster tongue against our shower wall: I'm elite: I sing in the mirror: while I wash my feet pounding into pounding I smile into sweet:

(It's A Dissociative High: Percept: ion forgets sen:sat:ion (regrets)

as if you were already dead: This memory fact sits somewhere near my brain's hippo: campus quiet and intact pul: sing ultra- violet amber: re: member:(please) re: member: (yes)re: member:

Let us cat: alogue our panic: ked con: sciousness! Let us dis: guise our interio: rity with an appro: priately masc: uline co: herence. Yes. Let's un:bur: Den this geni: us: Sometimes the beauty Lives in your pause. My blurred life wrapped in slick orange gauze. Now you're forever in my con: templation's sťan:ce.

Jesus Mary and Asia. Pale orange dys: phasia: a phantom pain dressed up: as Prancing Mary in Malaysia.

Mathematics, my dear, is universal: the so-c:alled language of god. Re: member nothing is c: re: ated nor des: troyed

outside the micro: cosm of perception. you may only add and subtract

using what is hidden and what remains un: seen. I begin in a dream:

I will spend my life: suturing lightning: a flash of ob: jective per: spective: sublimates my scream.

Subtract desire: divide deception: working with product:

s:keptics for hire.

Always in bet: ween offered as my sutu: red life in trade's cream. I'm afraid to dream of topo: logical disguises that last only a short distance: they have no endurance: no perfect past: Like trying to teach appropriate touching to your own mother. (come up to the engine: and bring your dangerous flashlight.)

July 12, 2000: first attempt at last sexual en: counter. Is queer ce: lib: acy so imp: ossible? How about beginning again: Yes: howbout starting from your own tainted mouth? Celibacy Sell: I: Base: He?

I'm going about my life as if it's not my life: (The truth is I'm nervous at this: I don't want to tell you anything. I will spend my life suturing lightning.)

Yeah: Yeah: get over it kid: Trick is to beetle up

with somboddy: no:wad:im:sayin? Rub your face on orange velour:

S: No: w accident e. e. met pound: (privileged whore) we seek out what's sugarest: what's divagalore. I've emerged on a swell:

Let's ride it straight: to Hell's too easy: let's get sleazy:

Dil: do breaks my anus: (de: fec: ation:re-rips the fiss: ure:)

I've prepared the hardwood floor for the fucking. Stuck-suctioned the dildo in the center of the living room: I squeeze a palm full of lubricant: my anus tenses as I finger it warm: hard as an eraser head: wide as a golf ball Slips in like a baby's foot coming through the birth canal:

electric eel forcing itself into the throat of a swan: pressing against my plum gland: you know the saying: too many cooks? At night: alone: I marry

my books.

If I begin as a joke: then meaning the yoke: I'll never choke: O no she didn't: (bitch is reeling: vulg: (hil): arity pre-washed the body's bloody ceiling: mothers invent our fever's fermented status: Now: Now will always: keep happening:

I will spend my life suturing lightning.)

Let us reverse this choral-jaded trend That perversed our moral mind to mend Our selves like wax to sordid end.

Billy says: Can I have my crack and mania back? Billy says:

One night: I got so desperate: I found myself jaw grinding under the covers:

Sucking the dildo. That's Fetusesque! Lace: rate your lovers

With your mouth's secret crest. (I'll throw you a bitchily repulsive bone: on the outside I'm all clone: faux military of the boring sort so drag my ass into queer court.)

"(7:00) the bed that never supersedes the womb, a futuresque casket."HIV, Mon Amour, Tory Dent, The Sheep Meadow Press, Page 49. Winner of the 1999 James Laughlin Award of The Academy of American Poets. Judges for 1999: Lynn Emanuel, Yusef Komunyakaa, Marilyn Nelson. You better believe this is a historical document:you better believe. (Sisters) You best be: lieve. (Brothers)

I survived this ambivalent May: a nimbus cloud con:geals

within us: he writes it in red pen in HIV, MonAmour: then c:rosses out HIV and c:ircles the word DEATH above it. (Also in Red) Billy says: Billy says: Billy says: Billlysaysbillysays:!

I'm writing this on e: lation's admission: less permission more a plea:

Let us drift like a Shakespearian dirge: let us binge and never purge. I take a break from "Refuse The Music" to jot this down: everyone drown

On the sign of Brown: then rise like porn: on the sign of Orange.

Alright then: are they really demi-gods or simply demi-men: And should I run with this voice: or this voice? As if Plath had a choice

To avoid the oven: O Sylvia: what else can I say? You make me want to pray. Chuck D style: by any means spastic: O dear she thinks she's getting drastic:



He will win all including this morning's prize: two azure eyes parade with a contempt memory down

the aisle of




Rapt memory free your dark embrace with the simple shadow our sun makes of me.

I be: come: not same. I be: shame. I be: cause: not came.

at what point did you begin to hear the buzz? the words dissolve but what remains? the egg the ball the rain I am chalk (erased?) left in a dust-layer on the body eraser - wipe the life board clean!

Chalk friend wants to write again: (all ready?) future words (to dissolve when the need be) yet to be seen seated at this table set by me. Thunder derides danger: I am the gauzed one marked: derange: d: anger

Thunder deranged my anger: then the lightning stuck a bolt through the window: Epi: gonic: Hydro: ponic:.

Sig: natured a blue wish: bone scar on my dil: do as I rode the in: visible man into the Bing: hamton floorboards. Two pill: ows for each knee: I thought the shadow was entering me: with Scintilla Vitae igniting my sea. If you were to walk in now: open the door an see me: stuck in 1995:

--I'm Bouncing Slowly in storm's dim light from the Purple Green Sky.

Riding my in: visible man in: : riding riding the floor boar: ds: into my man-- Walk in and see me bouncing in front of my TV: I would look ridiculous: path e: tic

Absurd: alone: almost (yes: almost) enti: rely hu: (bristic!) man.

© crossconnect 1995-2001 |
published in association with the |
university of pennsylvania's kelly writers house |