--- B I L L Y   X   O 'B R I E N   A N D   R O N A L D   P A L M E R

The nasal whine of power whips a new universe...wounds that we wrap
with theorems sharp as hail! -- Hart Crane, "Cape Hatteras"



One	c:	loud's 		ig:	nition brands:	a hand-pain:
	ted blue vein: 		a qui:	c:k	Epi:		gonic wish:
	bone: 	dec:	orates 	the shaft:		of my 8" realistic:
 	c:O:		c:	K:	which comes with its own
 	suc:tion 	c:up!	
Inserted at the base beneath the test:		ic: les:	two small kiwi:
	dip:	ped in gau: 	zed rub:	ber.	After the  Hydro:	ponic kiss:
I ride my invi:		sible man 	(sunk into the floorboards).
Dil:	do:nic body surf 			breaks my ice cave into fragments.

Sic:	k with the world:	I call out to theCh:	

Urning:		haunting monk's moan:		I spec:	ialize in the wounded 
zone:	ec:	ho-pulsing through all that dang:	er(r:one)ous darkness:
	erroneous erogenous 			bone:	

As the solitary whale eye:	 speeds up through 	green depths	of oc:
	ean: 	emerges to witness that live: wire: slap:	Light c:
	racks 		the globe:	dwarfs a c:	lust:	er of needy sky sc:
	rapers. 		

Huddled and vying for attention from an oc:	ean that pretends not to be l:one:ly:
	Chur:	ning 

Chur:	ning like a moaning monk 		through all that dangerous darkness.
(sometimes I pray this mostly happens by accident before sleep is someone talking to 
you the TV mostly this originates in fear which is where the prayer hooks me like floss)

I later rode the un:	comfortable mar:	riage 		of per:ception & 
sensation 	and con:	ception.

	Ink-stained dildo 	purple 		stuck-suctioned phony man

Flopping monster tongue against our shower wall:		I'm elite: 	I sing 
in the mirror: 	while I wash my feet		pounding into pounding		I smile 
into sweet:			

(It's A Dissociative High: 	Percept:	ion forgets	sen:sat:ion (regrets) 

as if you were already dead: 	This memory fact sits somewhere 
near my brain's hippo: 		campus quiet 		and intact pul:	sing ultra-
violet 	amber: 	re:	member:(please) re:	member: (yes)re: 	member: 

Let us cat:	alogue our panic:	ked con: sciousness!	
Let us dis:	guise our interio:	rity with an appro: 	priately masc: uline co:
		herence. 		Yes. Let's un:bur:
Den this geni:					us:		Sometimes
the beauty 
Lives in your pause.		My blurred life wrapped in slick orange gauze.
Now you're forever in my con:			templation's séan:ce.

	Jesus Mary and Asia. 			
Pale orange dys:	phasia:				a phantom pain
	dressed up:		 as Prancing Mary in Malaysia.

Mathematics, my dear, is universal: 	the so-c:alled language of god. Re:
	member nothing is c: re:	ated nor des:	troyed 

outside the micro:	cosm of perception. you may only add and subtract 

using what is hidden and what remains un:	seen. I begin in a dream: 

I will spend my life:		suturing lightning:	a flash of ob:
	jective per:		spective:	sublimates my scream.

Subtract desire:		 divide deception:	working with product:	

s:keptics 	for hire.

Always in bet:		ween offered as my sutu:	red life in trade's cream.
 	I'm afraid to dream of topo:	logical disguises that last 
only a short distance:	they have no endurance: 		no perfect past:
Like trying to teach appropriate touching 			to your own mother.
	(come up to the engine: and bring your dangerous flashlight.) 

July 12, 2000: 		first attempt at last sexual en: counter. Is queer ce:
	lib: acy so imp:	ossible?		How about beginning again: Yes: howbout 
starting from your own tainted mouth? Celibacy Sell:	I:	Base: He?

I'm going about my life as if it's not my life:	(The truth is I'm nervous at this: I don't 
want to tell you anything.		I will spend			my life 
suturing lightning.)

Yeah: Yeah: 		get over it kid:		Trick is to beetle up 

with somboddy:			 no:wad:im:sayin? Rub your face on orange velour:

S: No: w accident e. e. met pound:	(privileged whore)	we seek out what's 
sugarest:	what's divagalore.	I've emerged on a swell:

Let's ride it straight:		to Hell's too easy:	let's get sleazy:

Dil:	do breaks my anus: 	 (de:	fec: ation:re-rips the fiss:	ure:)


I've prepared the hardwood floor for the fucking.	Stuck-suctioned the dildo
 	in the center of the living room:	I squeeze a palm full of lubricant: 	my 
anus tenses as I finger it warm: 	hard as an eraser head:	wide as a golf ball
 
Slips in like a baby's foot coming through the birth canal:	

electric eel forcing itself into the throat of a swan:		pressing against my 
plum gland:	you know the saying: too many cooks?	At night: alone: I marry

my books. 

If I begin as a joke:	then meaning the yoke:		I'll never choke:	
O no she didn't:		(bitch is reeling:		vulg: (hil): arity
 		pre-washed the body's bloody ceiling:		mothers invent our fever's 
fermented status:	Now:	 Now		will always:	keep happening:

I will spend my life suturing lightning.) 

Let us reverse this choral-jaded trend
That perversed our moral mind to mend
Our selves like wax to sordid end.

Billy says:	Can I have my crack and mania back?		Billy says:

One night: 	I got so desperate:	 I found myself jaw grinding under the covers:

Sucking the dildo.	That's Fetusesque!	 Lace:	rate your lovers 

With your mouth's secret crest. 
(I'll throw you a bitchily repulsive bone:		on the outside I'm all clone:
		faux military of the boring sort 	so drag my ass into queer court.)

"(7:00) the bed that never supersedes the womb, a futuresque casket."HIV,
Mon Amour, Tory Dent, The Sheep Meadow Press, Page 49. Winner of the 1999
James Laughlin Award of The Academy of American Poets. Judges for 1999:
Lynn Emanuel, Yusef Komunyakaa, Marilyn Nelson.
 
You better believe this is a historical document:you better believe. (Sisters)
		You best be:	lieve. (Brothers)

I survived this ambivalent May: 	a nimbus cloud con:geals 

within us:	he writes it in red pen 		in HIV, MonAmour: then 
c:rosses out HIV 	and c:ircles the word DEATH above it. (Also in Red)
 	Billy says:	Billy says:	Billy says:	Billlysaysbillysays:! 

I'm writing this on e:		lation's admission: 	less permission more a plea:

Let us drift like a Shakespearian dirge:		let us binge and never purge.
 
I take a break from "Refuse The Music" to jot this down: everyone drown 

On the sign of Brown:		then rise like porn:		on the sign of Orange.

Alright then:	are they really demi-gods or simply demi-men: 	And should I
run with this voice:		 or this voice?	As if Plath had a choice

To avoid the oven:		O Sylvia:	what else can I say?  You make me 
want to pray.		Chuck D style:		by any means spastic:	O dear she 
thinks she's getting drastic: 

I ain't c:	Lear yet:		BUT I THINK IT MIGHT BE SAWED OFF:

AND MADE OF SAGE:	LILAC:		

He will win all including this morning's prize:
two azure eyes 
parade with a contempt memory
down 

the aisle of 

hows 

and 

whys.

Rapt memory free
your dark embrace
with the simple shadow
our sun makes of me.	

I be:	 come: not same. 	I be:	 shame. 	I be: cause: not came. 

at what point did you begin to hear the buzz? 
 
the words dissolve but what remains? 
the egg the ball the rain 
I am chalk (erased?) 
left in a dust-layer on the body eraser - 			wipe the life board clean! 

Chalk friend wants to write again: (all ready?) future words (to dissolve when the need 
be) yet to be seen seated at this table set by me.
   Thunder derides danger:	 I am the gauzed one marked: derange:	d:	anger 

Thunder deranged my anger:	then the lightning stuck 	a bolt through
		 the window:	Epi:	gonic:		Hydro:	ponic:.

Sig:	natured a blue wish:	bone scar on my dil:	do as I rode the in:	visible 
man 	into the Bing:	hamton floorboards.		Two pill:	ows for each 
knee:	I thought the shadow was entering me:	with Scintilla Vitae igniting my sea.
 	
If you were to walk in now:	open the door an see me:	stuck in 1995:	

--I'm Bouncing Slowly in storm's dim light from the Purple Green Sky.	

   Riding my in:		visible man in:	: riding riding the floor boar:	ds:
	into my man--
Walk in and see me bouncing in front of my TV:	I would look ridiculous: path
	e:	tic

Absurd:		alone:		almost 		(yes: almost) enti: rely
	hu: 	(bristic!)		man.