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--- S T E V E N   J .  S T E W A R T


Can you think of a synonym for "voyeur"? Common people (kids especially, the audience for villancicos) don't even know what frankincense is, but they can appreciate a good bit of chocolate. My dad called my love life a funeral. We sat together and wept. I'm back to the heresy thing. Pedantic double-talk isn't what it used to be. Arguing that Asians are displaced Israelites, she said, "When you look at really evil countries like Thailand and India, you realize they must have the blood of Israel. Only people with a lot of potential for holiness can be evil like that." What the hell? When you were with Ruth, you were a bastard. That "Yo me remendaba" song is just about gitanos stealing the diapers off the baby Jesus. I don't suggest you use talk of golden wee-wees as a litmus test when meeting women. Everything after the word "incest" in the last letter was a lie. He said I was born to process eggs. When I told her that Scrabble was evil, she held my grandma down and started tickling her. Title: Tres mejicanos y un recuerdo sacramental. Self-aware shallowness isn't shallow. That's my new mantra. I expect you to be married by the time your plan lands in the U. S. Get some rabbi to do it. But you need to start thinking she's attractive. I would rescind all the bad things I said about you, but since I qualified what I said I really don't have to, do I? How's your urine lately?

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